Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Ghost of You

Remember that guest post I was telling you all about?
Well here it is. My bff Matt [better known to you all as Mr.O] is here to share an experience.
Want to see this moment from my point of view? Head on over to A Rush of Blog to the Head.

Without further adieu.....

I rank it up there with those “never forget where you were” moments. It
sits up there with my first kiss, my first road trip, my first break-up.
It was the moment I got the call that forever changed my life.

I was at a job that was taking most of my day and when I get off I
looked at my phone and saw that I had a missed call from my friend
Brandon. I knew this was either going to be good news or bad news. A few
days earlier he had called me asking me if I knew where Shedrick was
because he had sort of left town and not really told anybody where he
was going or what he was doing, except we found out from a roommate of
mine (at the time) that he was on his way up to Auburn, going to be
involved in some stuff he should not have been involved in. Well, a day
or two had went by and nobody had heard from him. My roommate said he
was on the phone with him when he thought he heard some yelling, but he
wasn't sure. But after I called Brandon back, I was sure what this phone
call was about. He told me, as good as a friend could tell another
friend, that Shedrick was dead. I honestly asked him if he was joking as
we were all friends who would carry jokes on, but never this far. He
said “why would I joke about this” and at that moment, I felt like the
world crashed on my chest.

I had pulled into my apartment complex when I got the news. It was the
hardest thing to just walk into my house and sit in my room. Along the
way I had told the roommate that talked to him what ultimately happened.
His response was “damn” and proceeded to sit on his bed to let it sink
in. I went to my room and dealt with the phone. Who do I call? Who is
going to call me? I ended up calling jme and giving her the news, one of
the hardest things I ever had to do. My sister called me and checked up.
I called my girlfriend who answered in a very bubbly voice but it
quickly changed when she heard my own voice on the other end. She asked
if she should come over and I quickly responded yes and she was over at
my house in minutes. One of my greatest memories was her comforting me.
She didn't ask me any questions, didn't offer to get me anything, didn't
tell me it was going to be alright. She just sat there with me. And let
me break down.

I broke down for a number of reasons. Ultimately, it was because I had
just lost a really good friend. The kind of friend that is
irreplaceable. But one reason is because of what he has always
associated himself with. He actually got arrested our senior year for
some sort of possession, and I remember going to his house that day and
we just rode around in my car and he kind of confessed that he was only
doing that stuff to get money. I wanted to help. I tried to help. And
for the longest time I felt my efforts weren't enough. If I could be
completely honest, for the longest time I was mad at him. Mad that he
didn't see the warning signs of what he was doing. But most of all I was
just mad. Mad that he was taken away from me. I was no longer going to
have the friend that would open the door naked just to get a reaction,
or who “caused scenes” at school such as purposely tripping over chairs,
or the friend that stripped down to his boxers and ran in a gas station
car wash.

The last time I saw him was at his funeral. I remember walking into my
high school's gym and upon the slightest sight of seeing him in the
casket, it became way too real and I broke down. Luckily, it was packed
with friends that also knew him well so I didn't feel alone. In a weird
way, I still laughed that day. I had stayed over at his house plenty of
times and had seen him fall asleep and sometimes he looked like he was
smiling as he slept. And I don't know if my mind was playing tricks on
me, but I could swear I saw him smiling as he lied there that day. And
that's how I will always remember him. As the guy that won “class clown”
our senior year, and the guy that always made me laugh.

For a while afterward, he would pop up in my dreams.back, and it felt great. I don't have those dreams anymore, but I still
think about him a lot. He was supposed to make a rap CD and call it “The
Mixtape” and I was supposed to help produce and promote it. My roommate
now is a dj and the other day he had an event where he was spinning for
people at a bar and there were some people rapping over his stuff. All I
could think of how cool it would have been if Shedrick could have been
there, how he probably would have jumped on the stage, took the mic, and
everybody would have had a good time.

On November 17, 2005, I was supposed to go see a free Ludacris concert
on campus. Instead, I got terrible news and proceeded to spend the rest
of the night receiving and making phone calls and texts concerning a
friend we all lost. A friend that I still miss to this day. A friend
that will always be remembered and will never be forgotten.

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna hold me
Never coming home
Never coming home


Jeanette said...

Matt I know we've kind of talked about it, but I just want to say again how sorry I am. I learned just last year how hard this is. But at least you have memories that can make you smile.

Bri said...

I'm sorry for your loss as well. He sounds like he was an awesome person.