No guts, No glory.

Warning::This may get a little too personal.......just stop now if you don't care.

As far back as I can remember there are very few memories that include my father. My parents divorced when I was two, my mother passed away when I was four, and after that, my dad never really felt the need to come around. Sure, he'd come for birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, pretty much anytime that involved him being invited for a feast, but other than that, the times that my sister and I saw him were few and far between. As a kid, this really bothered me. I would get really upset when he was supposed to come get us, or stop by, but he wouldn't show up. But, over the years, my heart hardened towards him.

So why am I bringing this up now?

Because for once I wanted to see the good in him. For once I wanted for him to prove me wrong. But he didn't. He couldn't. It's like he's incapable of being a normal decent father, even in his old age.

I was seriously considering asking him to walk me down the aisle at the wedding. I mean, isn't that the normal thing to do? But when I heard how he reacted to the good news, I cut him out completely.

Nanny said she saw him and told him I was getting married. His reply was 'So what?' Really, Is that how a father is supposed to react? I think not. Nanny apparently kept talking to him [I don't know why] and asked him if he wanted to help out a little bit [money wise], and he didn't just say no, but 'Hell no.' So, if anyone ever wonders why I can't stand my father, why I have 'Daddy Issues', or why the thought of father's day makes me want to puke, this is why. Because he never helped out, he never cared, and I just wish for ONCE in my life that he would put the bottle down and realize that he has wasted every single opportunity he's ever had to be a good person. Why can't he just be proud of us?

I actually had a dream a few nights ago, and I remember it vividly. I saw my dad at my brother's house, and he was drunk, as usual, and he said 'Hey baby, I miss ya' like he usually does when I see him, once in a blue moon. And then I let him have it. I told him every single time he ever upset me, every single thing I ever wanted to say to him, but never did, because SOMEHOW I still had a little bit of respect for him. And I brought him to pure tears, and it made me happy. For once. But it was all just a dream. And you have no idea how bad I wish I had the courage to do that.

WW::My Wedding Dress [no that's not me]

Tale Tell Hearts

This weekend has been filled with reading, sleep, and movies.

I feel like I have kind of fallen off the movie-watching bandwagon, so to speak. Aaron and I used to go to the movies or rent movies weekly, but since he's been gone, I've kind of neglected it. I had all weekend off from work, so I headed to Troy, picked up a few movies, and decided I would let you all know what I thought.

Before I get into that though, I want to take a moment to talk to you about Sunday Secrets. I love reading Post Secret every Sunday, and for a long time I thought about sending in my secrets, but I never did. I just felt like so many people were sending in their secrets, and I didn't see what would make mine so special that they would actually choose mine to post. I know that may sound silly, but if I finally get the courage to reveal something personal about myself, I would like for it to be seen, whether anyone knows that it is about me or not. Recently, the girl started doing her own Sunday Secrets. It's really great. You can send your secrets in to her, and SHE WILL POST THEM. You can do it anonymously or share your identity. I think it is a wonderful thing, and I think you all should check out this Sunday's secrets.

Now, on to my movie reviews.
[Disclaimer...I do not claim to be a movie buff, just a girl with opinions.]

Movie #1: Stop Loss.
If you're at a rental store, and you see this, and you start debating on if you should get it or not...STOP. Seriously. It was a waste of time and energy. It made me 100 times more nervous about the fact that Aaron will most likely have to go to war one day, but other than that, I got nothing out of it. Everyone who goes into the military knows there is a chance they can get stop lossed. It isn't like some big secret. Yea, it sucks, but it's kind of what you signed up for, right? Anyways, the acting was decent, but there was no real plot. Unless you are totally in love with Channing Tatum or Ryan Phillipe, I would say skip this one.

Movie #2: Confessions of a Shopaholic.
I don't want to give away the details, but if you're a girl, you will probably love this. Guys...probably won't like it so much. I thought it was hilarious and the acting was good. I would definitely watch it again.

Movie #3: Revolutionary Road.
I had read such great reviews about this movie, and come on, who didn't want to see Kate & Leo back together again? HA. I was lost from the beginning. I didn't know much about the back story, so I was pretty much confused the whole time. or...Maybe I am too shallow to understand. I thought it was entirely too long. It just seemed like one minute they were in love, the next minute they hated each other, the next they were cheating, the next they were in love. What was the whole point? If you know, please tell me.

Movie #4: Henry Poole is Here.
I won't lie..this movie confused me a bit, too. But it had points, it had a plot, it was going somewhere. It was not hard to follow, and there was fore shadowing, so I was intrigued the whole time. I really got into it, to the point that a few times, my heart actually dropped. It was really endearing. I had never heard of this movie before, and I didn't remember it coming in theaters, but I like Luke Wilson, and so I decided to get it. Turns out it was one of the better movies I'd rented this weekend. I would say definitely give it a shot, it may or may not be your cup of tea, but it's worth it.

So, what movies have you seen recently? What would you recommend going to see or staying away from?

There's no getting it by us now..

I just wanted to take a minute to thank all of you for hoping, crossing your fingers, and praying [if you believe in that] for Aaron's sergeant to have a change of heart; CAUSE HE DID! Way earlier than I had expected, too. So thanks again! I can now talk to him via phone and email.

In other news, if you want a personalized layout for your blog, head on over to Indiechick Designs. Emma is having a give away right now, and I'd hate for you all to miss out!!

Hope you all are having a good week!

Beyond Frustrated..

Aaron's platoon got a weekend pass for Saturday and Sunday, and were able to actually go off post for a while. Unfortunately four of his fellow soldiers were complete morons and thought that it was a good idea to drink in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, they got the cops called on them. Did I mention they're underage? Yea. AND they're still in training.

Instead of his sergeant punishing those four guys, the WHOLE platoon got punished.
No more weekend passes the rest of the time they are in training.
When Aaron told me this last night, I blew it off. No big deal, they only have a little more than two weeks left anyways.

Then he calls me today, and says he won't be able to call me the rest of the time that he is in Oklahoma AND he can't get online anymore, either.
Apparently his sergeant thought the punishment from the night before wasn't harsh enough, so he took away all electronics. [cell phones, computers, psp's, mp3 players...]

So, for the next 18 days, I do not get to talk to Aaron. I am just hoping and praying that his sergeant's heart softens over the next week, and that by the weekend he will be able to call, because this is seriously going to suck.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us!

Alabama with a 35mm

Sorry, been busy moving/unpacking and haven't found much time for blogging. But I did find these pictures I took a few years ago with a film camera, and thought they showed a lot about where I come from. HA. enjoy :)

Patience is a Virtue

On Monday I recieved a letter in the mail from the financial aid department at my school. They let me know that I did, indeed, receive a grant this year. That, I was happy about. I read on to find out that I am getting almost a thousand dollars less this year than I got last year, which really freaked me out. I instantly began stressing. I have so much on my plate already, it's hard even thinking about trying to come up with more money to pay for school. I've never taken out a loan before, and have done everything I had to in order to not incur debt while in college. Nanny offered to give me a monthly 'allowance' to help with the $1000 that I'd be missing from the grant. I hate asking her for money, but I didn't have to ask, she just offered. I couldn't really refuse at the time, I didn't know of any other offers. Until today. I got a letter in the mail from my school. I let out a huge sigh before I opened it, because I was sure it was going to be the bill for the tuition. BUT IT WASN'T. It was a letter offering me a scholarship from the art & design program. And guess for how much? That's right...$1000! Crazy, huh? But I am very blessed for this to come my way, and now I can stop stressing so much! Good things truly do come to those who wait :)

Notice anything different?

Well, you should! Because Emma @ toddler awesome made me a whole new layout!

Thanks, Emma! I absolutely love it.

She has great ideas (as you can see from not only my blog, but also from my sister's), and her prices are very reasonable. She's starting her own business, so you all should check out her website.

Only God can judge me...

Right? That is what I have always been told. That only God can judge me. That it is wrong for people to judge. Yet, we do it anyways. For as long as I can remember I have been the girl that didn't care what other people thought. And still, to this day, the only people that I truly value opinions from are friends and family.

Which is why I wasn't entirely pissed off when [Let's call him cowboy] I was basically told today, by cowboy, that I am living in sin; As if all of us aren't living in sin. But, whatever.
I was also always told that one sin doesn't weigh heavier than any other. So, there. Aaron and I living together is no more sinful that you judging me for said sin.

Honestly, I feel like living with someone BEFORE marriage is a good thing. If we had never lived together before, and still decided to get married, I can almost guarantee you that we would have been divorced/separated within the first year. Now though, we know each others mannerisms, and little things that we do that bug each other, and we've gotten comfortable learning and growing together as a couple. I'm sorry, cowboy, if you think that is sinful.

I don't feel like just because a couple has been married 20+ years, that they are good examples. Sure, there are golden couples out there. But most people I know aren't exactly 'happy & in love'. They have comfort in each other. They don't have to wonder where their next meal is coming from, or if they can make it on their own. They don't believe in divorce. They don't want people to think bad things of them. That doesn't make them role models.

Which leads me to the icing on the cake. Just because I don't go to church every single time the door is opened does not in any way mean that Aaron and I will end up divorced.

Thanks a lot, Cowboy, for all the advice you gave me. I feel more confident than ever having the fact that most of you are simply hypocrites reaffirmed.

Dear Friends,

I am urging you, if you have even ONE ounce of artsy-ness in your body, to go to Michael's Arts & Crafts store.

Last week, when I went to buy the book, I found many things that I lusted after, but didn't need to spend the money on the just yet. Today I went back, and guess what? ALL OF WHAT I WANTED WAS ON SALE!!

How awesome is that??

I got all of this...


[scrapbook paper, an unfinished picture frame, 8x8 scrap pad, metallic rub ons, metallic frames, and a 5x7 scrap pad]

...for just $11.91. Plus a 50% off coupon for next week!!

And, if time allows, I will be posting new crafts soon. :)

It's that time again...

And the winner is....



That's you, Rachel!

So, if you'd like, send me an email or comment with your last name [as well as your address], and I'll customize the 'book' binding for you.

And a special thanks to all of you who participated, whether by entering, or by posting about it on your blog!

Dear BlueBelle, This is for you!

BlueBelle was interested in my 'save the date' cards I had made up, and asked if I would post a sample.


Well, here they are.
Kind of generic, for an artsy girl like myself.
But given my work schedule and trying to get my stuff ready to move, I didn't have much time to make them myself.

*sigh* I'm not quite sure why I thought it would be a good idea to pack up my whole apartment BY MYSELF in two days, but here I go....

A good luck kind of day

Today was just all around good.

First thing this morning, my land lord called me to tell me that my apartment will be ready to move in to by next weekend, and that she wants me to move in a.s.a.p. I had concerns at first, because I didn't have $400 laying around for rent, but she told me not to worry about it, since I'll only be there for two weeks before rent is due anyways. Sweet, huh?

Also, one of my friends from the art department at my school told me that she would do the photography for my wedding 'for whatever my budget allows'. Which means that I can stop stressing, because unlike some people I've talked to, she isn't going to charge me an arm and a leg just to shoot some photos. I know she's good quality, because I've seen her work. She also offered to do my cake. Have I mentioned that she makes cakes for a living?

See....





But, I also found out that this is the gun that Aaron will be shooting in the army.

Does that not freak you out?!

Oh, and p.s. about the book...whoever wins, I will print your first initial and last name in script on the side of the book, author style. Get the word out!!

Who doesn't love a give away?

Hello friends! How was your Weekend?

I've been wanting to do another give away, so this weekend I went to Michael's and had sooo many ideas. I decided to stick with this one:



An unfinished wooden book. I thought it was so neat because you can customize it...AND hide things inside!



It reminded me of those coffee table books. So, I decided to see what I could do with it, and this is what I came up with.


It isn't perfect, but I think it is very charming!

So, who wants it?

Enter to win by simply commenting this post.
1 extra entry will be given to those who begin to follow my blog.
1 extra entry will be given to those who mention the contest in their blog. [If you do this, please leave a separate comment on this post with the link to the post.]
The winner will be announced on Saturday, July 11th.

Me and my lil nugget nephew, Jackson!

Happy Independence Day Weekend!!

I spoke too soon...

My family has decided they would rather me have a whole ceremony now, rather than the whole court house thing; they are going to fund it [small budget, mind you]. And after much deliberation I have decided to do just that. We are going to have a full ceremony instead of just getting our marriage license. So, instead of being married on Dec. 3rd, we moved it to Dec. 12th. I am a little stressed, but am feeling much better now that I have the save the date cards made. And knowing that my sister is willing to help me any which way, is always a nice thing. So wish us luck, because we are definitely going to need it!

It's Official...

Aaron and I finally set a date!!

We are going to get married on Decemeber 3rd.

Yes, that is on a Thursday, but we are just going to the courthouse.
We want a bigger wedding, but we are going to wait until we both graduate to have a formal ceremony.

Why Dec. 3rd? Because we want to stick with our anniversary. So, please keep your fingers crossed and hope that nothing comes up for us to have to change the date.