Finding Happy

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Earlier in the summer, I found myself in a weird, dark, ugly place. 

It took me a while to realize it.

I had everything I could have ever wanted; a new house, a reliable car, a healthy family...money in the bank, clothes on my back, food on the table.  

But there I was, a crying mess pretty much every day. 

I blamed it on my birth control. 

I blamed it on my husband. 

I blamed it on my lack of 'me' time.

I blamed it on my lack of sleep.

Sometimes I blamed it on my friends. 

Of course I blamed it on the heat, and even the fact that I was 1000 miles away from my family. 

Luckily, when I was at my absolute lowest point, I was in Alabama at my Nanny's house. I was going on and on about everything and nothing. How nothing was making me happy. What was wrong with me? I'm only 25, why do I feel like I'm going through a mid life crisis. And then she said something that made me stop in my tracks. 'How can you be happy with anything when you're not happy with yourself?'

That's pretty much all it took. She's 100% supportive of everything I do, but sometimes all it takes is a little tough love to steer me in the right direction. She's not afraid to say something that needs to be said, and I'm glad she did. Over the next couple of weeks, I did a lot of thinking. I did a lot of praying and soul searching.

Nanny came back with me to Oklahoma, so I had plenty of 'me' time to figure out why I wasn't happy, what makes me happy, and how to feel like myself again.

Is life perfect right now? No, but it's pretty darn close.

I'm learning every day that it's not up to anyone else to make me happy, it's up to me to find happiness. So I drink coffee every morning and sometimes at night. I 'play pretend' with my daughter and color outside of the lines. I sing loud and out of key.

But now, for at least today, I'm happy.

I'm Back [again, maybe]

Every time I come back from a long break from blogging, I almost feel the need to apologize for my absence. But life happens, so I can't really be sorry for getting caught up in the moment.

What's been happening with us for the past few months?

Well....

We bought a house.

We went on a mini vacay to Dallas [and fell in love].

I took a 16 hour road trip with a toddler and a dog, all by myself.

We got a new pup.

Adelei turned 2!

Nanny came to visit.

And finally, life is slowing down a bit. So maybe I'll finally have time to blog again...soon ;)

New Way of Life

Last month, Aaron and I totally revamped our budget. A few things are changing in our life, and in order to prepare for that, we needed to change our spending habits. 

We did a lot of research. 

None of the cookie cutter budgets fit what we wanted. We picked things that we liked about different styles, but we're focusing on the Dave Ramsey way of life. So far, we've paid off one of Aaron's student loans, and things are looking very promising. We've only been doing this for one month, but it just feels so good to be getting out of debt! That just leaves two more student loans plus my car loan, and we'll be debt free. I know it will take a few years, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that my friends, feels amazing.

Here are a few of the things that we've changed so far:

• We quit going out to dinner so often. This may seem kind of silly, but it has worked. When we do want to go out to eat on the weekends, we usually go during lunch. Not only are the portions generally smaller at lunch [better for my waistline], but the prices are usually cheaper, too.
• During the work week, I come home for lunch since my office is about 5 miles away. Aaron packs his lunch on most days.
• I go grocery shopping once a month. Again, I've only been doing this for a month, and January was pretty successful, but I have some kinks to work out. My plan is to do all of my bulk shopping once a month, and then pick up milk/eggs/bread as needed. To some this may sound crazy, but here's how it worked for us: 1) not going to the commissary weekly saved me $5 a week in tips for the baggers alone ($15 savings for the month) 2) Bulk shopping [buying family packs of meat & breaking it down] saves me so much, compared to buying single serve packages for each meal. 3) The less I'm in the store, the less money I spend. In other words, every time I go, I may pick up extra things not on my list if they are on sale, etc. even if I don't necessarily need them at the time. 4) I'm not wasting my day off going to the store with a grumpy toddler. On the days I need milk, Aaron will pick it up on his way home from work...saves time & gas.
• I've started making more things homemade. This includes buying dry beans to prepare instead of buying canned. Making my own soup. Making my own rolls, pizza crust, bread sticks, etc. You get the idea.
• I've gotten back in to couponing. I quit for a while right after I started work because it was just too much for me to keep up with at the time. It's definitely worth it for us, though, because most of the hygiene items that we use are on a Walgreen's/CVS sales rotation.

I don't have any hard figures at the moment for how much these small changes are helping us, but I'm hoping that once I work out the kinks I can share them with you all. 

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't save for the future until you get out of debt. **

This, for us, was life changing. 


**Another blogger pointed out my mistake. You can put money into savings while getting out of debt.  However, I continually tell myself that I can't start really saving until we get out of debt. We have a savings account with an amount that we are secure with, and until we pay off our debt, we don't plan on adding to that. If you do not have a savings account, but want to save while trying to become debt free, please ignore my mantra!

On Life

When we first found out that we were moving to Fort Sill, I was overwhelmed with negative comments. Some of the people had been here and experience first hand what the Lawton/Fort Sill area had [or didn't have] to offer. Most had not, but had 'seen on t.v.' or 'heard' about what it was like here. Not only were we moving to our first duty station, but it just so happened to be 1,000 miles away from our friends and family. It was nerve wracking, to say the least, and everyone else's two cents didn't help.

In the short time leading up to our move, I tried staying positive. 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry about it a few times, and I often had worries about what life would be like that far away from familiarity, but mostly, I was looking forward to our 'new' life together.

Life is what you make it.

After 7 months of living here, I'm writing this [mostly for myself], but also on the off chance that someone else can relate to how I was feeling.

This is what I heard:

There's nothing to do in Lawton.

The crime rate is terrible.

Better watch out, it's tornado alley!

This is how I feel:

There is so much to do in Lawton! You have to be proactive, but there are lots of things to do. Even if the things going on in town aren't your cup of tea, OKC is 1.5 hours away, Wichita Falls less than an hour, and Dallas is about 3 hours away. I guarantee you will find something to do with ALL of these big city choices so close by!

As for the crime rate, there are several websites that you can go to to check it out. For me, someone telling me how bad the crime rate in the town was did nothing but scare me. It certainly didn't stop me from moving because the move wasn't my choice to begin with. All I can say about that is either live on base, or live on the good side of town [which we do], and take all of the necessary precautions to make sure that you're not a victim due to your own stupidity [locking cars, deadbolts, windows, etc].

We haven't been here during 'peak' tornado season [March - May], but the weather hasn't been too bad here thus far. I've survived my fair share of tornadoes in Alabama, though.

There are always going to be people trying to ruin your happiness, trying to sway your opinion, trying to make you miserable. Misery loves company.

One of my biggest struggles is trying to see the positive in all situations, but at least I'm trying.

Can You Believe It?

My baby is walking.

WALKING!

It seems like just yesterday, we just sat around enjoying each other's company.

And now?

We're constantly on the move.

Have I told you how much I love this age?

Because I do.

Never a dull moment.

Old Habits Die Hard

I've fallen into a bad habit.

Since Adelei has started sleeping through the night again, and Aaron is going to bed early because he has to be up so early...I'm getting my 'me' time by staying up late at night.

It's not that I'm not tired, because I am...the time just sneaks up on me!

I've just been enjoying the quiet, stress free hours where I can catch up on blogs, catch up on t.v. shows, read, make meal plans, and most of the time? spend WAY too much time on pinterest.

It's a good thing baby girl likes to sleep past 9 am!

Big Cry Baby

Have you ever just felt like you needed a good cry? Just to get it out of your system.

That's how I've felt lately, but today, it's really been baring down on me.

I almost cried watching Auction Kings.

Then again when I unpacked my mom's hand painted dish towels.

And again while browsing around in Hobby Lobby.

But I wouldn't let myself actually cry.

I just feel like if I let down my wall, I will turn into one of those women that cries at the drop of a hat & I don't want to be like that.

Sometimes we need to let it out though, right?

Or am I completely crazy?

My answer

People keep asking me when I'm going to have another child. As if I'm waiting too long.

Adelei is only 9 1/2 months old, People.

The truth is, I do want another child...just not now.

Maybe once Adelei is sleeping through the night, or maybe not until she's potty trained.

Maybe not even until she starts pre-k.

The truth is, although I want another baby in the future, I want to spend plenty of time and attention on the one I already have.

I want to enjoy and savor our time together, and not rush into anything else before I am ready.

So that's my answer.

I can't give you a date or a time.

I can't promise to make it happen in a year

or five years.

All I can say is that it will happen again when I am ready.

Bad

I started to write a post apologizing for being a bad blogger.

But then I thought about it.

And I can't apologize for that.

Because in my blogging absence, I was being a good mother.

A good wife.

A good employee.

I do hate that it has been so long since I've posted, but life happened.

And I can't be sorry for that.

Hope you guys are still around ♥