Finding Happy

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Earlier in the summer, I found myself in a weird, dark, ugly place. 

It took me a while to realize it.

I had everything I could have ever wanted; a new house, a reliable car, a healthy family...money in the bank, clothes on my back, food on the table.  

But there I was, a crying mess pretty much every day. 

I blamed it on my birth control. 

I blamed it on my husband. 

I blamed it on my lack of 'me' time.

I blamed it on my lack of sleep.

Sometimes I blamed it on my friends. 

Of course I blamed it on the heat, and even the fact that I was 1000 miles away from my family. 

Luckily, when I was at my absolute lowest point, I was in Alabama at my Nanny's house. I was going on and on about everything and nothing. How nothing was making me happy. What was wrong with me? I'm only 25, why do I feel like I'm going through a mid life crisis. And then she said something that made me stop in my tracks. 'How can you be happy with anything when you're not happy with yourself?'

That's pretty much all it took. She's 100% supportive of everything I do, but sometimes all it takes is a little tough love to steer me in the right direction. She's not afraid to say something that needs to be said, and I'm glad she did. Over the next couple of weeks, I did a lot of thinking. I did a lot of praying and soul searching.

Nanny came back with me to Oklahoma, so I had plenty of 'me' time to figure out why I wasn't happy, what makes me happy, and how to feel like myself again.

Is life perfect right now? No, but it's pretty darn close.

I'm learning every day that it's not up to anyone else to make me happy, it's up to me to find happiness. So I drink coffee every morning and sometimes at night. I 'play pretend' with my daughter and color outside of the lines. I sing loud and out of key.

But now, for at least today, I'm happy.

I'm Back [again, maybe]

Every time I come back from a long break from blogging, I almost feel the need to apologize for my absence. But life happens, so I can't really be sorry for getting caught up in the moment.

What's been happening with us for the past few months?

Well....

We bought a house.

We went on a mini vacay to Dallas [and fell in love].

I took a 16 hour road trip with a toddler and a dog, all by myself.

We got a new pup.

Adelei turned 2!

Nanny came to visit.

And finally, life is slowing down a bit. So maybe I'll finally have time to blog again...soon ;)

Nan visits Oklahoma

Two weeks ago today, I received a phone call from my Nanny saying that she and my aunt were on their way to come visit me! 

After 3 long months, they were finally able to come see us. That was the longest I've ever been without seeing her, and I was definitely ready to give her a big hug!

While they were here, they helped me finish unpacking the last few boxes I had & put everything in it's place. They helped me get my patio whipped back into shape & helped me organize the garage.

We did some fun stuff, too.

We spent a lot of time just talking on the patio, reading/playing with Adelei, and watching movies.

I took them with me on a thrifting adventure one day, & we made our way to Oklahoma City for a trip to the Zoo & outlet shopping.

Their 10 days here went by all too fast! Before I knew it, Wednesday was here & we were saying our goodbyes see ya laters.

The rest of Wednesday was a little morose, but just knowing I'll get to see them again at Christmas time is getting me back to my old self again.

she needs more than a hug on a holiday

Is it just me, or has blogger died down quite a bit?
I used to have tons of new posts to read each day, and sometimes I would even get behind.
I used to get a lot of feedback, and I haven't seemed to be getting much at all recently.
I know it's a busy time of year, I just hope you all come back soon!

Anyways, I just wanted to give you all an update on my nanny.
She is out of the hospital and in rehab right now. She can stay for 20 days, but she said she hopes she only has to stay for 5. It is killing her not to be at home.
The surgery went really well. She is on heavy pain killers at the moment, but today she was able to walk down the whole hall of the 4th floor. She had to have a blood transfusion yesterday, and I asked her if she was scared [cause it freaked me out] and she was like, "No, Jamie. The worst that could happen is I could get AIDS." HA, as if that isn't something to worry about................
Now she is just doing physical therapy and breathing treatments.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. It means more than you'll ever know.

Hope you guys have a great week!

Please Pray

My Nanny is having knee replacement surgery tomorrow.

She has been complaining for a long time about her leg hurting, but her doctor kept telling her it was arthritis.

Finally, she got a second opinion, and it definitely wasn't arthritis. Basically, her knee cap is deteriorating. She was like, 'Jamie, You should see the drawing the doctor made me of my knee cap, it sure does look crazy.'

So, here we go. I've been praying pretty much every 5 minutes, and I have to remind myself not to cry when I'm in public.

I'm not so much worried about the actual surgery, I'm worried about the anesthesia. I've heard it really takes a toll on people with heart conditions, and well, it freaks me out.

If you believe in prayer, please say one for my Nanny tonight. I am trying my hardest to stay positive. I can't even begin to imagine what I might do if something goes wrong, so please keep your fingers crossed.

Patience is a virtue

On Tuesday, Aaron and I were pretty determined to get a second car.
Mostly because we have such different schedules, it would be very hard for us to just share my car; especially if he decides to get a job. After the not so great news we received about a lack of funds, we had to sit down and really figure some stuff out.

Once we got our P’s & Q’s straight, we headed out. We started out by going to the lemon lot [a place on base where soldiers try to sell their cars when they get stationed over seas], because they usually have really nice cars for pretty reasonable prices. Of course we found a few that we really liked, but we decided that at this point in time, they were out of our price range. One of the cars was a Mazda3 Hatchback. It wasn’t the car that Aaron originally wanted, but when we saw it, we both really liked it. But, like I said, it was out of our league for the time being.

We were heading to Enterprise to see Aaron’s sister when I remembered there was a Mazda dealership in town. We stopped by, just to have a look, and we found the one we wanted! An ’06 Silver Mazda3 Hatchback with black and red interior with only 32,000 miles on it. We took it for a test drive, and Aaron really did fall in love! He wanted a stick shift [which I have no clue how to drive], but this car is an automatic, with the ‘bumping shift’ which means it can switch between being an automatic or a manual. HOW COOL IS THAT? I basically thought this car was made for us.

Then it came down to the credit check and yadda, yadda. We passed with flying colors, and got the lowest interest rate available, but then it took us FOUR hours to negotiate. I’ll just tell you right now, I was highly irritable. I hate being places like that for so long, but it was worth it. To begin with they wanted $3,000 deposit & then $380 payment each month for 4 years. When we left, we had talked them down to paying a $1,000 deposit & $265 payment each month for 5 years. We saved a little over $3,000 on the car just by not taking the crap they were throwing at us, and almost walking away. We knew how much the car was worth, and they wanted a lot more for it, so we just sat there until they gave us a good deal. Needless to say, we left a very, very happy couple.

Wednesday, they wanted Aaron to come back to finish signing the paper work [since it was so late when we finally left], so he did. He got all the way to the dealership [45 mins away!] just to find out that since he was only 21 he HAD to have a cosigner, or we would have to give the car back. My first thought was, WHY couldn't they have told us that the night before? They knew he was only 21 because they asked him on several occassions for his birthday. They also knew that he was driving almost an hour to get there, so you'd think they would have saved him a little bit of trouble, but no. He called his dad, and asked if he would co-sign, and UNSURPRISINGLY he said no. I knew the answer before he even asked. I started to get really bummed out, because his mom has NO credit, and we knew that from past experience, so we were kind of freaking out. But my Nanny saved the day.

She agreed to co-sign, because she said that even if Aaron defaulted on payments, she would just finish paying it off and give it to me! HA! Notttttt that he will do that, but if it happened, at least we have a back up plan. Thursday we went BACK to Enterprise to finish signing all the paper work.

After days of going back and forth with the dealership, and stressing out about finding a co-signer, we are now the proud owners of this lovely little car:

Patience is a Virtue

On Monday I recieved a letter in the mail from the financial aid department at my school. They let me know that I did, indeed, receive a grant this year. That, I was happy about. I read on to find out that I am getting almost a thousand dollars less this year than I got last year, which really freaked me out. I instantly began stressing. I have so much on my plate already, it's hard even thinking about trying to come up with more money to pay for school. I've never taken out a loan before, and have done everything I had to in order to not incur debt while in college. Nanny offered to give me a monthly 'allowance' to help with the $1000 that I'd be missing from the grant. I hate asking her for money, but I didn't have to ask, she just offered. I couldn't really refuse at the time, I didn't know of any other offers. Until today. I got a letter in the mail from my school. I let out a huge sigh before I opened it, because I was sure it was going to be the bill for the tuition. BUT IT WASN'T. It was a letter offering me a scholarship from the art & design program. And guess for how much? That's right...$1000! Crazy, huh? But I am very blessed for this to come my way, and now I can stop stressing so much! Good things truly do come to those who wait :)

I'm at it again

I created my first group on 20SB last night. Check it out.

We Heart Homemade [Etsy]

I would love for anyone who is in to arts/crafts, or just buying other people's arts & crafts to join, so if you know someone, send them an invite to the group.

I spent way too much time on 20SB last night adding new people and reading new blogs. This really is a great networking tool. Is it weird that I feel more like myself when talking to people that I don't even really know that I do around people I've known my whole life?

Moving on....
My 75 year old grand mother got her first cell phone yesterday. Crazy, huh? I never would have thought......